I've never kissed the loves of my life

South park Murders

So i was in Seattle a couple of weeks ago for Helen Reeds film, Twin Twin Peaks. I was staying at my buddy Scouts place and we called him to let him know we were close to pulling into his neighborhood of South Park which is a really cute area that's considered a little Mexico in Seattle.
He sounded a bit concerned on the phone and told us not to freak out if we saw a bunch of police and news vans out in fromt of his house and that he would fill us in what happened when we arrived.
Scouts neighbours a young lesbian couple that lived directly across the street from him were broken into and attacked randomly (or so they say, hate crime?) The one women was stabbed repeatedly and died in her home from wounds to her neck. The other escaped but was hospitalized with life threatening injuries.
Scout and his girlfriend were woken up to a blood curdling scream at 3:30 am, Scout ran out to see his other neighbour calling 911 and the one women bleeding to death. The Police told the community of South Park at an emergency meeting that they responded to the 911 call within 5 mins. Scout and others say it was more like 25 mins and that her life could have been saved.
Others told the Seattle chief of police that when they have called the police for help (various reasons) sometimes the dispatch officer would ask questions like, "Do you have immigration papers?" before responding to the call.
In the time i was a guest at Scouts i had numerous reporters ask me for my opinon and try to get an interview with Scout. We both turned them down, it was really akward, sad and surreal.
They also caught a suspect while i was there too. The Police drove up and down the street announcing into a loud speaker that they got the man! He turned out to be an unstable black male with a history of violence and mental health. Perfect victory for the SPD!
Scout was talking with the head detective and a member of the F.B.I and he said there was enough D.N.A evidence to convict the suspect.
Needless to say that night was a really hard one to sleep through, both Eli and I barely slept. Partially because of the murder but also because Scout had a number of loaded weapons in his house for "protection" and there was some talk of him buying some more hand guns.

We drove home to Vancouver the very next morning.

Shitty couples everywhere!

So just be forewarned this is not a positive blogging in any way whatsoever.
But what the heck is with all my really, smoking hot, lady friends from East Van dating the biggest losers? Or the most boring dudes? Is the dating pool really that small for the straight community around here? That the hottest, most talented, strong women are just settling for some of these local characters just baffles me!
I know what your thinking, "Oh M.J. you just want to fuck all your friends!" That's not even it, i swear it! I just have a hard time grinning through certain hang-outs with certain couples. Take these ladies away from these Peter Van types and they are so outgoing, independent and funny. Then bring in the dude and it's all hehehehe tickles and whispers and everything they say or do is a miracle of epic proportions. BORING PEOPLE!! FUCKING BORING!!
Look i know we all get a little lonely and horny this time of year, but if it means sacrificing what makes you great to cuddle up to some dude, then i say go solo.
A close friend recently responded to my bitching about this very topic with this, "It's just the time of the year for annoying couples MJ, it will pass."
Good god i hope they are right!?
I want my girls back.....
And yes I'm fucking glad I'm Queer, more and more every single day.

Tanning compettion

So the warm weather is finally upon all our Lilly, white, Canadian, bodies. So i thought this would be a good time to talk about sunscreens. Why the hell are they so expensive? Especially since the rate of the ultra violet index is so very, very high. You think "they" would hook us up? All that money spent on anti smoking/cancer prevention campaigns. Hello skin cancer is real people! My mom used to lather herself up with fucking oil and tan all day long. She just had a large chunk of her breast and stomach grafted due to skin cancer. It's hard though because we do look "healthier" with tans, don't we?

I have the best friends in the world.

Whoa! I haven't updated this bad boy in awhile... Mostly cause shit's been pretty crazy latley. I'm running around with my hung over head cut right off.
I'm getting older on Tuesday and my loving friends have been kind enough to throw a party for me at the Cobalt. Macey's band is going to play their first show ever. They are called Needles and Pins and have TonyX and Adam in them too. Shelby is going to DJ under Thrashcan.
So much love! Seriously i get all warm and fuzzy! Legs made the poster and it rules. She's the best!
So fuck lets party, and lets go camping!!
Oh yeah if you come to the Bolt on Tuesday the cover is by donation with all the proceeds going to the GIRLS ROCK CAMP. BOOSH!

BINGO BONGO LUONGO!

GAME 4
Tonight at 5 pm our time. Watch for Luongo to make a quick stop with no rebound at the start of the game, if he does this he will be unbeatable! Trust me i know these things...
GO NUCKS GO!

Why bother?

I'm pretty sure i'm not a good flirt? Seriously! My flirting never gets me anywhere dammit!!
Babes think i'm cute, which is a far cry from sexy or hot. Cute gets girls who only want to cuddle you. Cute is safe. I want to be sexy, smoldering and reckless with your heart.
Summer is coming and there's nothing cute about seeing me in a one piece on the beach. I guess that's not going to help my cause?

Don't let your son go down on me!

Elton John was speaking to me the other day. I was the mad man across the water, the tiny dancer, an older brother named Dan, a hockey fan looking for a fight, then i did the crocodile rock!

Are we gay yet?

QUEERCORE is a cultural movement started by punks that were too gay/gays that were too punk. The term was coined in the mid-1980's in a zine called JD'S. This term is also often associated with the punk music genre homocore.
Vancouver needs a Queercore scene again!
Some folks have pointed out that music has little to do with sexual orientation and to develop a genre of music (or even a sub-genre like hardcore punk) around a particular sexual orientation or set of orientations, is foolish. Perhaps, in a perfect world I would agree that music should be about music and not about other things. But we don't live in a perfect world. We live in a white supremacist, homophobic, patriarchal world. So if we can use music to help confront those structures of oppression, let's do it! And besides punk rock, like rock n' roll, has always been about sex!
In the early 1990s that Riot Grrrl emerged. "In many ways the angry- girl genre owes its existence to punk homocore 'zines.." writes Emily White in Rock She Wrote. It follows that many of the participants, their zines, and bands like Excuse 17 were involved in both movements ^[10]. Along with Outpunk, independent record labels such as Alternative Tentacles, K Records, Kill Rock Stars, Lookout! Records, Yoyo Recordings and Candy Ass Records also supported and released material by queercore artists but in the mid to late 1990s several other small labels, alongside Outpunk, sprung up solely devoted to queercore.

Donna Dresch's zine Chainsaw became a record label as well, and began to release recordings by newer bands such as The Need, The Third Sex and Longstocking. Heartcore Records is another label, whose bands have included The Little Deaths, Addicted2Fiction, Crowns On 45 and Ninja Death Squad. These bands, many of whom are no longer together, constituted the 'second wave' of queercore bands which also included IAMLoved, Subtonix, Best Revenge and Fagatron from the U.S., Skinjobs from Canada and, from Italy, Pussy Face. Of these early queercore labels, Chainsaw and Heartcore are still active and are still releasing new material.

By the mid 1990s, zines in the U.S., such as Marilyn Medusa, and in Canada, This Is The Salivation Army, began to link queercore with a pagan sensibility; at the same time, other strands in queercore began to link themselves with Riot Grrrl, and still others with anarchism. Mainstream media coverage intensified when Pansy Division toured the U.S. with Green Day, but nonetheless, queercore remained a grassroots movement in flux. In 1996 in San Francisco, the Dirtybird 96 Queercore Festival presaged other queer music gatherings which occurred in the following decade. In the late 1990s and early 2000s, DUMBA provided an ongoing venue in New York for queercore bands, continuing in the path of Homocore Chicago and leading the way for other, similar clubs to come in the 2000s.

Check out these Chainsaw artists:

• Davies vs. Dresch
• Excuse 17
• The Fakes
• The Frumpies
• Heartless Martin
• Heavens to Betsy
• Infinite Xs
• Kaia
• Longstocking
• The Need
• No. 2
• Show Me the Pink
• Sleater-Kinney
• Team Dresch
• The Third Sex
• Tracy and the Plastics

I'm going to try and do my Queercore part May 12th at the Cobalt, a very special Queercore BOOSH! Featuring FORSORCERERS www.myspace.com/forsorcerers (ex dresch members and Queercore Portland)
LOVERS myspace.com/loverstheband and theirwebsite www.holdmyclothes.com
with JUDY www.myspace.com/judyonjudy
Hopefully the local support will be 99 PROBLEMS?!! Im waiting to confirm them still.

If you want to get more involved in the Queercore scene you can contact: www.myspace.com/queercore3

I love these fucking guys!

I love these guys so much i got a Ladyhawk stick and poke on my shoulder.
True bromance! If you see me i will show it to you with pride (Gay of course).

The first picture should be on cuteoverload.com i took it on Isla Holbox in Mexico.

I'm off to Portland for the weekend! I'm looking forward to it. I hear there's a vegan strip club there? Hmmm? I also heard that i could get married in a doughnut shop? God bless America!

I wipe counters all day long

Seriously i wipe and wipe the same wet little steel counter all bloody damn day long. I get paid too and all, so i guess it's not that bad? What would happen if i didn't wipe that one spot though? Chaos? Hmmmm i hope so!
Here's some dangerous style.

I might be crazy?

My dad's been really sick his whole life. Diagnosed with Bi polar, manic depression at 27.

His father wasn't well either, he beat him and my grandmother into a bloody pulp whenever he hit the bottle which was often. My dad left home at 15 scared for his life on a motorcycle and rode all the way to Edmonton.
That's where he eventually met my mom, knocked her up stuck around for 4 years trying to hide the mental illness until it over came him and they divorced. At the time my mom just thought he was a fucking asshole! Mental illness in the eighties was not really discussed or at least not really taken seriously.
My dad spun out and went back to Toronto and dated and worked manically. He drank and smoked and self medicated himself as much as possible.

He then met Melanie my now step mom they have been together since i was 6, so 22 years.
She has stuck by him through thick and thin. He was hospitalized in 1997, his depression goes in 7 year cycles. He spent 2 months in St. Paul's Hospital undergoing electric shock therapy. Yes that's right! They still were doing electric shock therapy in 1997 as a cure for depression.
My dad still Say's that if he hadn't undergone the treatment then, that he wouldn't be alive now.

I remember being a teenager growing up with a manically depressed father and being angry, really, really, angry. The thing was he would take his crazy out on me all the time and i didn't really understand because i was 14 or 16 years old. We fought all the time. Sometimes about serious things and then sometimes he would catch me off guard and freak out about the way the table was set. Our house was a battle ground and my step mom was left to referee.

I started to get pretty heavy into smoking weed. It was a great relief to not think about anything but myself and the cool way the world looked and my body felt. I was self medicating as well.

It was around 14 that i realized i wasn't into any of the guys at school... if you get my drift.
So i guess i had a lot on my plate when i was a kid? But i still feel lucky to have gone to school in Vancouver which was such an openly gay city. My father and Stepmother were more than supportive and still are to this very day.

My dad hasn't really worked in hmmmmm? like 15 years. He has a doctor in Toronto that he says can't even grow a beard he's so young. But he's supposed to be the best!

Over the last few years my dad and i haven't been getting along. It might be the distance? I just don't feel apart of his life the way i used to. I think the selfish, pot smoking, teenager in me is relieved to not have to deal with his disease on a regular basis.
It takes over everything! To the point where you start to feel crazy yourself. In fact they tried to take me into St. Paul's when i was a 15 and told me because his kind of mental illness is genetic that i may be sick as well. I remember i was trying to hold back my tears and anger as the doctor told me they wanted to test my blood to see if i was going to be "like" my father.
I told her to go fuck herself and walked out of the hospital.
I have never been tested.

In hindsight i wish i could have been kinder to my father over the things i truly couldn't understand because of my teenage youth. I wish my mother could have been stronger and tried to understand. I wish my stepmother didn't have to endure the fights and anger we both dished out at each other on a regular basis.
I wish my dad wasn't sick with crippling depression. He's so charismatic and talented!
But what are you going to do?
The world is what we make of it.
I think I'll pick up the phone and give him a call.

The customer is never right

I was chased down the street by angry line cook today. It all started when Legs, Brad and I decided to grab some hangover breakfast at The Sunny Spot on Main and 10Th.
Our food took forever and when it came mine was cold! Not a little warm, but fucking COLD. So i told the waitress who seemed to understand what i was talking about. 2 Min's later an angry elderly man, who i was to presume was the cook (apron) came to our table. I told him my food was cold and i couldn't eat it! He then waved his hands in my face and told me it wasn't cold and to get out!?
I didn't even know what to say?? It was shocking. So Brad explained to him and legs added help and still this guy was so angry at me!! So he goes to the kitchen but stands in the doorway staring at me with pure fucking anger. I'm seriously dying at this point. The kids finished their meal up as quickly as possible paid the check and left. We all walked out of the place and all of a sudden out comes the waitress and she's screaming that we didn't pay the check! Which we did, except for me because of the crap food that i didn't eat. We explain the situation and then out comes the angry cook and he's losing his shit!!! Like seriously he's going off. She had to hold him back and he's screaming in my face to pay the check. It was a huge scene! Like seriously the whole neighbourhood saw this shit go down and their all thinking were trying to rip this wacko guy off, mostly because of the way were dressed and our ages, i assume. Then this "bystander" chimes in, "come on you guys pay your CHECK!" At this point i can't even believe this is happening. NO SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!! I'm fucking shit shocked and kinda scared cause he's screaming he's going to call the police. I wish he had honestly.
I have to walk by the Sunny Spot everyday to go to work at Budgies, it's just so awkward. All because my meal was ice cold and i couldn't eat it. It makes me sad, cause i don't know why that guy freaked out so hard. Anyways we were all super shook up for a good half hour after it happened and of course i had to go to work and serve food and customers all day long.
Oh well! I'm off to check out Pierced Arrows at the Railway club and have a few pints, a place where everybody knows your name.

Mantracker

I watch a lot of T.V.! In fact i watched 6 hours of televised programming last night. I was not alone in the journey but my cohort will remain nameless. I'm not ashamed of this though, in fact i think it makes me smarter? I know that i should always wear gloves if I'm going to commit murder or some kind of wicked robbery. I know that the Sham wow is the best towel on earth! I know that the Simpson's are on at 12:00pm, 5:00pm, 6:00pm and 12:00am. I have learned how to play Texas hold em poker like a pro. I realized i may be from the late 50's and in a past life was an ad executive. I know every hockey score from around the league, everyday.
I may eventually become a meteorologist.
T.V. is my best friend. I do my best drinking in front of the T.V. I've had great sex in front of the T.V. I've learned that dogs can watch T.V.
"Were gonna have a T.V. party tonight, ALL RIGHT,
We've got nothing better to do, than watch T.V. and have a couple of brews!"

Not lady like at all

When i was away in Mexico i realized that i spit on the ground far too often! I realized this because i wasn't spitting on the ground in Mexico. When I'm at home in Vancouver I will walk around and often i will spit. "It's a goddamn sunny day *SPIT*." "Jesus fuck i almost got killed crossing that street *SPIT*."

I guess it's a sense of entitlement? But if there was ever ground to spit on it should have been in Mexico! Not because it's not a beautiful place or because it's poor. It's because they don't have a drainage system and basically all their shit and soap and piss just pours into the street. So in the scheme of things my spit would be nothing. But yeah i should stop spitting cause it's not very lady like and soon it may lead to me blowing snot out my nose on Pender and Main. 

The landfills are full enough already!

Fuck this Hallmark Holiday! Now if you'll excuse me i have to go drink Champagne and orange juice with my beautiful girlfriend.

More bran please!

I need to shit! Seriously! Like a proper banana shaped turd. Not rabbit shits or the mystery turd that disappears in the toilet. Yep this is what my blog is going to be like!

So legs has been busy setting up shows for Boosh Tuesdays and we've got a couple of good ones coming up , Feb 17th and Feb 24th @ The Cobalt, so you should check em out!

Very superstitious

Mexico '09

I just got back from a month long vacation in Mexico (yeah, yeah, i know) with my GF and I'm really depressed right now. Weird right?
The obvious reasons may be the sun and surf are no longer at my door step, and have been replaced with forced heating and toques. I don't think that's it though? It's more of an uncomfortable realization that i have to get back with the "social paradigms and paradox's," that make up east van.
In Mexico i didn't have to worry about who was going to be my new roommate? Or who broke up with whom? Or who's drinking binges were causing problems among their friends? Or what music venue shut down? Or who lost their job, or who, or who...... In Mexico i had to worry about whether or not i should have a margarita or a mojito? And whether or not they are 2X1?
So yeah i guess it's just back to reality for me and the rest of East Van has just been waiting to catch me up on all the goings on. So why hasn't my phone been ringing?

Rocky know's what I'm talking about

What is this Blog thing you speak of?

So I'm finally on board the Blog train, "toot, toot." Thanks largely in part to all my wicked friends and their wicked blogs. Whitney suggested i call it MJ's insane rants, but i thought that would be a bit too much pressure...to be insane that is, not to rant! I've got the ranting part down with or without the blog.